THE TIME MY DAD THREATENED TO BEAT ME OVER A SQUEEZED TUBE OF EYE CREAM

When I was a child, my parents had a strict bedtime routine for myself and my older sister. At 6.30 pm, we went to bed and had to stay there until the morning. That included weekends. Occasionally we could stay up until 7 pm, but that was on rare occasions or if my parents were in a good mood, which was a rare occasion.

One Saturday evening after dinner, we sat on the sofa watching TV in the living room. It was a huge oblong apartment lounge that was impossible to heat in the winter. On one side was our TV and sofa, and on the other was a large wooden cabinet.

My father was blind in one eye and often had problems with the empty eye socket becoming irritated. So the doctor or pharmacist would recommend a medicated ointment to relieve the irritation. My dad went to the cabinet to get his tube of eye cream before settling down in his chair for the evening. He came over from the other side of the room, demanding to know who had touched his tube of eye cream. Somebody had squeezed it; he would never squeeze a tube in the middle. Therefore it must have been my sister or me who committed the crime.

My sister and I looked at each other. Until then, we’d been unaware of the existence of the eye cream. Confused, we both stated our innocence. Yet, he insisted that someone had squeezed the tube and wanted to know immediately! We both again shook our heads and insisted we didn’t know. So, he asked us if we had been playing with it. Even as a child, it seemed ludicrous that I would invent a game or derive fun by pressing a tube of eye cream in the middle. Plus, the cabinet had heavy wooden drawers that were difficult for my nine-year-old arms to open, even if I wanted to see the contents.

As neither of us had “owned up,” he became more enraged and threatened us. He said that we couldn’t go to bed until we had confessed. He said that he would beat whoever had done it. However, if neither of us owned up, he would beat both of us. My mum, who always backed him up, mainly sat mute. Occasionally she would echo his enquiries, but at least she didn’t shout or swear at us.

We would all get distracted by the TV and all watch it for a bit. Then when a programme ended or it went to an ad break, he would begin a verbal tirade of abuse and threats again. The clock on the mantelpiece showed the hours passing. Then he said we had until 10 pm to admit which of us had squeezed the tube. As it got later, my sister and I began nodding off, only to be awoken by his angry shouts each time.

As it got closer to the deadline, he began counting down. We had thirty minutes to confess, twenty, ten. I remember it was light outside when he’d started the tube nonsense. Now it was dark, with a dim glow from the living room lamp. Despite the fear, there was a part of me that was curious as to how this was going to play out.

When it got to 10 pm, my authoritarian father demanded to know who had done the unforgivable atrocity of squeezing his tube of eye cream in the middle. One of us would confess our terrible crime and be physically punished, or he would beat both of us to teach us a lesson. I still don’t know what that life lesson would have been. I guess it was if you’re in a room with two people and one has wronged you, punch both to ensure justice.

My father had ratcheted up the tension for hours, and now he shouted, demanding to know the truth. It was going to end now. Suddenly both my sister and I burst into a confession simultaneously. We both said something identical along the lines that maybe we’d both possibly, maybe seen it, and we might have maybe squeezed it. Then my mum broke under strain and said it might have been her. Just like us, she didn’t remember, but perhaps she’d done it not realising.

Then my dad looking at the tube, said thoughtfully and calmly, “Oh well, it might have been me come to think of it. Anyway, kids, it’s late of to bed. Goodnight.” We kissed our parents and then ran to bed feeling like we’d just survived some horrible ordeal. At least this time, we had escaped without being physically attacked.